i have a day off, yeahhhh

sometimes i think i am ridiculous. i guess i am.

yesterday morning i dropped a large can of shaving cream on my toe. i think i broke it. try saying the word "toe" 100 times in a day and see if you don't feel ridiculous. at work yesterday i was walking around collecting money from the different bars and i noticed that the 4 foot tall monstrosity shaped as a buffalo bills player (holding a bottle of wine in one hand) had unfortunately lost one of his arms which lay pitifully by his unmoving feet. i attempted to re-attach his wooden arm and walked away only to hear it crash to the ground. i went back and picked it up off the floor and carried it to the staff room, having to walk past the bar in the process. which was conveniently loaded with people. all these people found this particular vision to be quite funny. all the sudden 30 drunken people were looking at me carrying around a wooden arm. i made some stupid joke and disappeared.

that's the funny side of being ridiculous. it's double-edged though.

i work more than i should. i work harder than i am expected. i am not paid for it. my work is not valued. i am yelled at for having ideas. not that those ideas aren't put into action...they are....by someone else. but i keep doing it because what the hell else am i going to do? so i march around the tasting room and keep things in order to the best of my ability. and my co-workers listen and do a good job. and i guess that's all i can ask for. besides a good recommendation in the future, hopefully.

no one told me about this time of life and how difficult it was going to be. i'm out of college but still not making any money. i have no friggin idea what i am doing, i'm just making it up as i go. how come i was never warned?

i still like this life though. especially between the hours of 11pm and 9am. last night it rained and we left the windows open and listened to it. there was lightening too. we talked about how easy it's become to be next to each other every night. there's only a few more weeks of that so i will have to enjoy it all the more. i've never really been with someone who has wanted to be with me. i've always kind of been an afterthought. i like it.