pour a little salt we were never here

i'm in the library. i got up at 8am to start my shakespeare paper and now it's 11:23 and i still don't even know what the topics are. i'm listening to bon iver. adam gave me the cd yesterday, and here's how that happened:

but first, a run-through of my day:
yesterday morning i got up & changed my clothes about 1000 times before i found something i felt comfortable enough to give a presentation in. i was almost late because of it. the presentation went really well , except for one oddity. i noticed about halfway through that i had one leg up behind me. you know, like in the movies when they finally kiss and the girls leg kicks up behind her. like that. so, essentially, i looked like a sleeping ostrich the whole time. thank god i was behind a podium. then i went home and took a sweet nap and woke up with the worst smoothie craving ever. i had to go to wegmans and spend too much money on fruit and juice, but oh man was it amazing. shortly after my craving was fed justin & jordie showed up and we had a beer and talked about all the super-uninteresting things that have happened to us since the last time we talked, but i enjoyed myself regardless. i went to dave's and he took me on a motorcycle ride through letchworth at about 7pm. it was incredibly beautiful. and scary. i thought about how going 50 miles per hour with the ground inches away allows a person to think about things they normally couldn't (but that's a whole other blog). we ordered pizza and drank red wine and talked about life, as we do.

and then:
adam drove up. which was alright because i am in a different place and i don't have feelings for adam in the way that i did, finally. but it was strange to see him without all those feelings that were like a veil to my better judgment (which, really, is what they were). and then dave decided he was tired and went to bed and us two were left to our own faculties. we talked about wine and about music. these were two of our most common interests. we talked about food and the future. we avoided all topics that would address what we had. we didn't talk about our mutual friends. we talked about our faults. we sat far away from each other. and i think for the first time in over a year we enjoyed each other for exactly what we are. he treated me like a i was smart and pretty and funny. and believe me, i felt like none of these things when we were together. he showed me his new cd's and a few of them happened to be cd's that i had recommended to him. that also never happened when we were dating. and when we got tired the night was over. we hugged, which was the only sad part (you know, the way people fit together, it's something you don't forget). and then he gave me his bon iver cd. he told me his favorite song on it was #3. that's my favorite. we listened to it twice together.

" i tell my love to wreck it all, cut all of the ropes and let me fall.
my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...right in the moment this order is tall...
and i told you to be patient, and i told you to be fine, i told you to be balanced,
i told you to be kind...now all your love is wasted and who the hell was i?
now i'm breaking at the britches, and at the end of all your lines,
who will love you,
who will fight,
who will fall far behind?"
~skinny love, bon iver